Tuesday, October 4, 2011

I'm Baaaaaaack!!!

I have finally crawled out of my hole and I am back. I need someone and or something to be accountable to at this point in my life and posting and reading all of your blogs (which I have missed dearly) will work perfectly. I am trying to get back on track with goals, organization, etc. This sounds simple to most people, and at this point simple is exactly what I need. I am going to be posting at least 5 days a week-even if I have nothing to say and no one reads my blog! This helps me put myself back out in the world without fear of rejection or people judging me. I LOVE writing and have really missed my bloggy friends the past month! Your kind words and notes have meant so much to people and its nice to know that I really have been missed.

I will first say that I did not just abandon my blog but all my favorite sites! I haven't been on Pinterest (I know sooooo hard to believe), Tumblr, Twitter, all of your blogs that I LOVE to read, and some of my other favorite online places either! I lost my job on Aug 19 and have been mentally and physically sick ever since. I can say that I am finally feeling better!!! One day at a time for sure. I lost my insurance the day I lost my job and of course I wasn't aware of that. I thought it was like most companies where even if they let you go you still have your insurance for 30 days. I should have known better!

I was taking Effexor for anxiety and depression everyday for the past 5 years. I figured it was working because I felt "normal". Depression runs in my family so it was really know surprise that I had issues with both anxiety and depression. Anyway, Effexor is a fairly expensive medicine even when you have insurance. It was still $150 for 30 days on one of my old insurance plans, but on the last plan I had it was only $15!!! Great deal! One of the only reasons I stayed at my last job was because the insurance was so good. I feel like an old person saying this, but that job really didn't pay my bills, but I kept it because the insurance was fantastic. When I lost my job the Effexor went up to $293 for a month supply. I would buy pills a few at a time-whatever I could afford-and I already knew one of the side effects for me was migraine headaches. As you can guess, I eventually couldn't afford to get any Effexor at all. At this point I not only had horrible migraines, but I was physically sick to my stomach, achy, had nightmares, all kinds of crazy stuff all because I couldn't afford a medication.

I also should say that my entire life I have always been able to call my Mom and she will help me. With the economy as horrible as it is right now, for the first time in my entire life, my Mom had not sold a house since June (completely unlike her-she is one of the top realtors in Lexingon, KY and had the best year of her life last year). I know that I could have asked her for help and she would have made it work, but for once in my life I didn't want to do that. She needed to take care of herself for once in her life and NOT ME! As I have mentioned before my little sister is in medical school and is now in her fourth year. I called her and told her what I was going through and she proceeded to tell me that withdrawals from Effexor are more severe than even most illegal and prescription drug withdrawals. Leave it to me!!! After 3 weeks of not being able to get off the couch and being super sick I called the Dr. His nurse is so sweet. I told her the deal and they switched me to Prozac which is only $4 a month.

Everything happens for a reason and this was no exception!!! The Prozac is amazing and has helped me so much, even more than the Effexor! Besides the fact that it saves me tons of money, I am so happy and energetic! I feel like after all these years I have found my miracle drug! It is so scary to me that I was prescribed something that I became so  physically dependent on. As I have said before I have had my issues in the past with drugs, so it was even scarier to me that I was on something so dangerous that was not even a pain pill or illegal drug! I can report I am FINALLY mentally better. I got sick for the first time in a year with a sinus infection and allergies. I took a whole round of antibiotics with no help whatsoever. I am still really stuffy and getting headaches, but I am SICK of this for sure. I have been pretty much curled up on the couch watching TV and feeling bad (see pic below!) until this past week when the Prozac hit and I had an A-ha! moment! Thank God for Prozac!

Another great thing that has come out of losing my job and this depression is my friendships have gotten stronger. Boy do you find out who your true friends are when you are going through rough times. I am blessed with the BEST! I am a horrible friend when it comes to phone calls, I am a big texter. I normally don't like to call people unless I have good news or things are going really well. I knew I was in a bad place and I broke my "rule" thank goodness! I don't have tons of friends but I am so lucky to have the truest girlfriends ever. We might not talk for a while, but when we do we pick up right where we left off. They always tell me the truth, whether I want to hear it or not! Those are the kind of people that I need and want in my life. Though I sometimes forget, they are always there no matter what. They really helped me get grounded again and
headed in the right direction.

One thing that I hate is that they live all over the place. I want to go see each and everyone of them and hope to at least visit a few before I get another job. One of our "Nashville Family" moved to Houston about a year and now lives with the love of her life in Lafayette, Louisiana. This weekend she (Mindy) was visiting her family in Chattanooga, which is just 2 hours from here, so we drove down to spend time with her and her family. It was AMAZING! We picked up right where we left off and now Kat and I have booked our hotel room and our going down to her parents Thanksgiving week to spend time with Mindy, her family, and her fiance to be! Hoping he proposes to her that weekend-it would be the perfect time! We had such a good time with her and her family, but if I hadn't reached out to everyone over the past few weeks we wouldn't have even been there this weekend. I would have been trapped in myself and miserable! Thank God for Friends that are Family!

Me, Mindy, and Kat (no gap in Kat's teeth its the light!!!)

That gets you started on where I have been and there is so much more to tell! I hope you all are staying with me as I start and work toward finishing the story. I am so happy to be back and I can't wait to catch up on all your blogs!!! It is late Monday night (3 AM) I will be posting again today! 

Happy Tuesday!



  1. Well welcome Back! you have alot of catching up to do!!

  2. Welcome back! We're glad you're back, and I can't wait to read more!


Thanks for making me smile!!! Your comments always do!!! xoxo, Sara