I hate giving up things that I love. Whether they are people, places, or things, but in order to change I have to break a huge relationship with something and possibly someone, that I love. As I reflect back on the past couple of years I can now see that my greatest love has been trying to lead to my demise. Day after day I depend on something that gives nothing back but heart ache, broken relationships, lost dreams, and missed opportunities.
Not to be cliche, but if these are the results of my actions than why you may ask, do I do the same thing over and over and expect different results? That's insanity right? Because I have a full fledged love for all things that lead me down the wrong path.
Granted, I have tried many times to break off this relationship. I even went for 2 whole years without touching it. However, life it me again and before I knew it my greatest love was back. This time it has stayed. Just like they all told me it would. It happened just like "they" all said.
But not me? I thought over and over. I am different. For God's sakes, I am not like these people! I mean hello I wear Lilly, I am a true prep, I graduated from UK, I know all the right people in all the right places and that is enough.
And that statement has gotten me so far. Its nice to find out when life turns bad, not one of those things could help me out. Not one of those things could make me a better person. None of those things comforted me or helped me to choose the right decision over the wrong one. Even with all of these things (so I told myself) I still did not know what to do. So for 3 years on and off I had a love affair with something that can kill me anyday, can take my job, all my friends away, my family away, all my money, my house, my car, everything. And still that wasn't enough.
So what is it going to take for me to end this relationship once and for all?
I hadn't even realized that I have been isolating. I won't talk to people on the phone if I can help it. I text whenever I can.
That is all going to change and this is day 1. I spent the weekend reaching out to people and it actually seems to be helping. Imagine that. I am with a very good friend of mine and she is helping me through along with her precious grandson and grandaughter. It is SO nice to get out of myself for a change. This is all day 1 and I know this blog is supposed to be about all things preppy, pink and green. But life throws me a yucky looking green sometimes, but I have realized for today, that I don't have to deal with it all by myself.
Hope you are all well.