Unfortunately, today has not been my day. Without going into to much detail, I have made some bad mistakes in the past few months and they are catching up with me. Someone that I love very much told me last night that she was done with me. I don't blame her. I feel like I am done with myself. Now comes the hard part...change.
The word itself evokes such strong emotions in me, it literally makes me sick. I do know that life cannot go on the same and that every time I have made a big change it has hurt like hell, but has been worth it in the end. I messed up again and I am so tired of making the wrong choices. It sounds so easy, just make good choices, do the right thing, and everything will work out. If only life were that simple. The difference this time is that I have a new work family now and I know they love me unconditionally. Asking for help is the hardest thing for anybody to do, but as an addict it is so much tougher. I followed all suggestions and lived like I was supposed to for 2 years and of course it worked. I don't have a problem drinking and never had, but the other things tend to get me in trouble.
Anyway, I reached out to help today to Laurie, the head of my work family, and what a blessing she is to me. Of course I happen to fall apart when she is out of town, but even from 1000 miles away she is helping me and I am so grateful. I forgot what it was like to have people that really and truly care about me. I know I have these amazing people in my life, but I did reach out today and she, along with some other amazing people I have here at work, are helping me.
Ultimately, it is up to me, but support is something I have not had, nor am I used to, especially unconditional love. This is going to be a hard road, but I have done it before and I know I can do it again. I am so blessed to have wonderful angels in my life. Please say prayers for me as I begin this new journey. I am not ready to throw in the towel and thank God I have people in my life that help me remember that.
How do you react to change??? Do you have special angels in your life too???